unprofessional game developer

for many years i have thought i could make games and sell them for money. it's been this specter hanging over my head.

i kind of got a job, but more importantly i found a way to survive and not die without relying on "getting paid to make a game" whether that's by selling it or by getting funding for it and i suddenly discovered, or maybe rediscovered, the feeling of making free games, again. and it's nice. i feel weird about having been lost in the professional game developer life for so long. i've never been very good at it.

starseed pilgrim was a weird as hell fluke. i'm happy it happened, but that doesn't mean the right thing for my life was to try to make it happen again.

thanks for loving starseed pilgrim. thanks for giving me six dollars plus tax for that game. i don't really know what i'm doing or why anymore: my communities of game-makers and game-players are sort of falling away. i'm trying to hold on to a past life. these days i'm a professional game designer and it's cool. i love immersing myself in game design! i plan to do it for a long time, because it's very fun and actually useful to people.

making entire games is something i still wanna do, but that's primarily because i like thinking about whole games, and it's very satisfying to see that kind of thing come together. (okay, i also like programming. and other things. realistically, i am almost definitely still going to keep making whole games. but boy oh boy is it unsatisfying to me to jam the monkey wrench of "and also how do i make money" into there.)

This article is my 2nd oldest. It is 287 words long